“I picked up a broomstick and I hit her.” Those are the words of Ronald Moore. Moore shares his story of abuse with his counselor at a batterer intervention program. Moore is not the only man to share his story. These are rare moments when an abusive man shares his side of the story. As I read through some of these articles, I tried my best not to roll my eyes or block out any explanation that these men gave. It was one of the hardest things I had to do!
I am often asked why do men abuse. My answer: I have many! He could have been abused himself, he saw his father rule the house with a heavy hand and thought this was exactly how it should be. The list goes on and on. Understand that though there may be a long list, none of it is your fault. Please be mindful that even though the victim has the feeling of guilt, it is not their fault. Your abuser was like this before you came into the picture. Nine times out of ten, the person before you was also abused.
The main reason I wanted to write about this topic is due to the question, why do men abuse? One particular story stuck out the most for me. The man’s name is “Sir”. I don’t know if this is his real name or what his wife was made to call him. But I found this article (link below) interesting because of how much he shared. In the article “Sir” described incidences with his wife were even while she was pregnant, he was beating her. He recalled that one time he threw her on the bed, sat on her stomach, and covered her mouth and nose with his hand. His wife, Christy, remembered that moment and said that she knew he was going to kill her.
“Sir” said that at those moments, when his rage was at its highest, he wanted her dead. “I had every intention to take her life. I felt like I had power and control over something in my life. It made me feel invincible!” He went on to say that reality would come back to him and he would stop before it was too late. Eventually, his wife left and gave him an ultimatum. Get some help or she was gone for good. Unlike most of his counterparts, “Sir” did seek help.
He went to counseling and spoke with a pastor. “Sir” and Christy eventually reconciled and have been working on their marriage ever since. There have not been any violent incidences. “Sir” said that when an argument occurs he knows how to step back and keep his anger at bay.
I know some of you are skeptic about an abuser who has changed his ways. You may even question whether it’s possible. In my opinion, I think it is. Through God, I think all things are possible. As a survivor, I had to understand that I couldn’t change my abuser; that was between him and God. There was nothing I could do. And believe me, I tried everything. So, if you haven’t learned anything from me or my experience, please believe that you can only save yourself. You have to get out before it’s too late. You were not put in this position to save him at the risk of yourself. Love yourself!